✦ lo-fi ghost ✦

“I believe there’s a fine line (if any) between optimism and willful idiocy, so I try to avoid optimism altogether, lest I fall over the line mistakenly.”
― Angie Kim, Happiness Falls

I’ve been told many times in my life that I tend to be a very negative person. It usually comes off as some sort of joke but we all know most jokes are rooted in truth. A couple of weeks ago, one of my co-workers literally gave me a lecture about how I can’t be so pessimistic all the time because it affects myself but also those around me. If I’m being honest though, I just simply do not give a fuck.

Maybe I will die on this hill, but if I’m not being directly negative to other people (which, I am not) then it shouldn’t affect others if I’m being realistic towards myself. If I think the worst case scenario or if I think lowly of myself, it doesn’t mean I’m always like that. I used to be a very positive person all the time growing up, and every single time, that ignorance in optimism came back to burn me.

I have a lot of anxiety and honestly, it annoys me how people just lack empathy for anyone who is off the beaten path from them. We are not all some machines that just do nothing but work so some CEO up top can stay a millionaire. We’re human. Consider the fact that I’m being pessimistic because it’s my way of coping with anxiety. I’m also the type of person that has very dark humor and laughs in uncomfortable situations. There is nothing I hate more than being lumped into the same group as everyone else because “normal” people in society refuse to take into consideration that there are autistic, anxious, depressed, and sick people out there that have different ways of functioning and coping. We are not being harmful. We are not being bad people. We are simply fighting for our lives every day. And if that means I have to be negative towards myself sometimes, then that does not need to affect anyone else.

I don’t feel seen like 90% of my waking life. So to people who constantly expect me to just act positive all the time for THEIR own sake, you can fuck right off.